Repeat broadcast

Dad and I had another repeat telecast of heart-to-heart connection last night.

He had to have a procedure to remove water from his lungs yesterday afternoon. I went in the evening to see how he was doing. The whole procedure went well though he was complaining of pain.

I grabbed a piece of tissue to scribble the new things he said to me...

Dad: since you were like that (he guestured like he was rocking a baby, then he made like he was petting a little child's head), I loved you till now.

Dad: I love you very very very much (emphatically, with tears)

NP: Dad, one day the Lord will take you home
Dad: Yes I know
NP: Daddy I will miss you very very much
Dad: I will miss you too, very very much
NP: But for now you have a purpose here Daddy
Dad: What is it?
NP: You are teaching me to love
Dad: (cries)
NP: Daddy you have work to do. You have to pray for me. That is your work now
Dad: I do, every every day I do
NP: Thank you Daddy. Can you pray for me right now?
Dad: (grabs my hand tight, closes his eyes and prays) I love you very very much. Thank you. Thank you.
NP: Thank you Daddy
Dad: I'm wanting everyday to see my daughter every day (interesting he finds the word to say, "daughter", he's been having lots of trouble finding words
NP: Daddy I love you, you know that don't you?
Dad: Yes I know

Dad: Who's coming?
NP: No Daddy, no one else is coming. Mum came this afternoon. And Brian will come tomorrow. We are taking turns to come. It's late now
Dad: What time is it?
NP: It's almost past 8.30 pm. See it's dark outside, can you see?
Dad: No I can't see... it's late... you go home, you go home...
NP: It's ok Daddy, I want to be with you
Dad: (teary)

Dad: How are you going home?
NP: By bus
Dad: You go home, it's late...
NP: Ok Daddy, I'll go home now. I love you Daddy (kiss him on the forehead). Good night Daddy. I'll see you
Dad: (grabs my hand very tight) I love you (he glues his eyes on me as I leave)

Thank you God for Dad. Thank you for the time with him. Thank you for his love for me. And for letting me hear it.

Network connection detected

My computer detects several wireless connection every time I turn it on at home. It prompts me for a security password when I try to connect. The only one I can connect to belongs to me of course.


For the longest time I've been visiting Dad. I always detect his "network," but whenever I try to connect, I fail the security password test, and so I am kept outside his world.

Yesterday, he let me in.

I went to see him in the late morning. Three of my cousins came to see him. He was all chirpy and himself again. It has been a long time since I've seen him talking and joking and teasing like that. Of course he kept repeating himself -- but I could see he really wanted to connect. He kept asking for all his favourite things to eat.

After my cousins left, I sat there with him. I wanted so much to get inside him again. The last time we talked was when I was with Chomper. The old man whom everyone thinks is demented connected in a way that was very meaningful to the two of us. I had wished with all my heart that we could talk again that way... and we did.

We both cried a lot yesterday.

This is the gist of our conversation, not word for word and not exactly in sequence. I held his hands, sometimes I stroked his head. I kissed him on his forehead. Many times there were long pauses and there were many repeats. He still has trouble finding words to say.

NP: Dad, all my friends say I have a very good father.
Dad: Oh is it?
NP: Yes, and I think so too. Daddy you are a very good father. You have been very good to me.
Dad: (Teary, he beat his breast) No I've been no good.
NP: You have been Daddy. You were always there for me.
Dad: I was?
NP: Yes, you comforted me when I was sad.
(Dad was with me when I broke up with my first boyfriend)

NP: Remember when you came to see me in Los Banõs?
Dad: (Looks at me surprised) What did we do in Los Banõs?
NP: You met my friends, we went to see many places. You came to my world. My friends were jealous that I had a Dad who took the trouble to come and see me.
Dad: (Smiles) Oh.
NP: You came to see me when I was in the US.
Dad: Oh, where in the US?
NP: In Colorado Springs. We hired a car and drove around...

NP: Thank you Daddy for everything.

NP: I'm so glad to see you are better Daddy. Do you know where you are?
Dad: Where am I?
NP: You're in the hospital Dad.
Dad: What am I doing here?
NP: You were very sick. I brought you in on Wednessday. It's Saturday today.
Dad: Am I better now?
NP: No Dad, you are still not well. But you are much better than when I brought you in.
Dad: What's wrong (with me)?
NP: You have a lung infection. But you are responding to the medicine... See this tube? That's the medicine... Your hands, they are not swollen any more.
Dad: Oh?
NP: Yes, you pulled out your tube four or five times. That's why it was swollen. It's ok now. You look so much better now.
Dad: Thank you.

Dad: Where are we going?
NP: We are not going anywhere Dad.
Dad: How long have I got to wait?
NP: It's all in God's timing Daddy.
Dad: (emphatically) You are right.
NP: Daddy, one day God will take you home. I want you to know that I will miss you very very much. I love you very very much Daddy.
Dad: I will miss you too. I love you very very very much. (Points his hand on his heart, cries) I have you here.
NP: I will always always remember you Daddy. I will never forget you. I love you.
Dad: I love you too.

I took his hand and put it to my breast.
NP: Daddy, I will always have you here.

Dad: (Squeezes my hand tight) I love you very very much.
NP: I love you very very much too Dad. Don't you ever ever forget that.
NP: Daddy, it's all in God's timing when he will take you home. God is our Good Shepherd. That's your favourite Psalm, Psalm 23 - The Lord is my Shepherd.
Dad: Yes he is.
NP: He takes care of us. He feeds us and protects us and leads us.
Dad: Yes.
NP: You listen to him Daddy. You don't stop talking to him.
Dad: Yes I do.
NP: While you are here, God has a purpose for you Daddy. A very important purpose. You have to pray for all of us. It's all in his time.

NP: What do you remember of me Daddy?
Dad: I remember a little boy (he has trouble finding the exact words)
Dad gestured like he was carrying a little child. He cries. He strokes the child.
NP: (crying) You saw me being born Daddy. You were there.
Dad: Yes I was.

Dad: Where are you going?
NP: I'm not going anywhere Dad.
Dad: What are we doing?
NP: We are being together. We are loving each other.
Dad: Yes. Thank you.

Dad: Who else is coming? (He asked several times)
NP: S (sis-in-law) is coming in a while. B (brother) will come tomorrow. Mum will come this evening.
Dad: Where are you going? (He was concerned because I had been there for some time)
NP: It's ok Dad. I'm not going anywhere. When the visiting hours are over, they might shoo me away, then I'll go.
Dad: Ok. (He leaned back on his bed more relaxed)

Dad: What have you been doing?
NP: I've been very busy at work.
Dad: What are you doing?
NP: I've two videos to make.
Dad: Oh.
NP: I finished writing my book.
Dad: What is your book about?
NP: It's about aunty Esther. You met her remember? She's a missionary among the sea gypsies.
Dad: Yes.
NP: I'm helping my mentor to design his book too.
Dad: Ok.
NP: You pray for me Dad. I need your prayers.
Dad: I will.

Dad: What am I doing?
NP: You are being my father. You are loving me. You have an important work to do Daddy. You have to keep praying for me.
Dad: Yes. I will. I always do.

Dad is in an open ward. There are six patients in his room. People were walking in and out. I was thankful God gave him a corner bed. I couldn't stop my tears. Neither could he.

I was embarrassed. But I decided it didn't matter any more. I was connecting with Dad. How I miss him. I just thought how precious our time was.

Dad: Are you going? (I was there a long time. He was concerned)
NP: No Dad. I want to stay with you.
Dad: Thank you.

Dad: What are we doing?
NP: We are loving each other Daddy...

I am crying even as I write this.

More than just connecting with my Dad, I am connecting with my heavenly Father. He answered the cries of my heart to talk to my Dad at a deep heart-to-heart level, even if for just one last time.

I can only say how deeply grateful I am. MM was right. If God keeps Daddy alive, it's for me to learn to love.

Absolutely flat!

Came home for a short while to do a quick update...

Mum's cataract surgery on Friday, 19 Nov, went well except for the post-op reaction to the General Anesthetic. She was nausea and in some discomfort. The surgeon checked her the next day - all is well. I will stay with mum for a couple of days until she's settled back to her routine. She still needs to take things easy and use an eye-patch to protect her eye when she sleeps.

The day of the op was a rather eventful one. After settling her in her home, I came back to get some stuff done at my place. I was to pick up dinner from my sis-in-law at 6.30 pm on my way back to mum.

While driving out of my carpark, I heard strange noises from the car... I had a flat tyre! Aiyoh! Mum had already heard the rattling noises while we were driving home from the hospital. Wah! I don't know when the puncture happened - but it could have proven fatal - I was driving on the expressway. We could have got into an accident or stranded...

My brother who came to fix the spare tyre asked how come I didn't hear it. I had sprained my wrist the night before the op - so I thought the heavy steering wheel was due to the fact that my wrist was hurting and weak.

Thank God for His protection.

P.S. The puncture was caused by a 2" nail!

The price of glory

Appreciated the Bible study that HX led last night on "Mary." Woke up thinking...

Luke 1 began with such promise for Mary...
...you have found favor with God. (1:30)

...From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me... (1:48b-49a)

And then the small prints in Luke 2...
...And a sword will pierce your own soul too. (2:35b)

Wah! What a price to pay.

Aiyoh, what is God going to ask of me? I must sound like a reluctant disciple... not that lah. I'm just hurting alot these days.

For a brief moment

This morning while on my way to work, my bus stopped for a brief moment at a red light. I looked out the window and right in front of me, at my eye level, I saw three little sparrows perched on a branch of a tree. I wished I had my camera with me.

I got a glimpse of three happy friends enjoying themselves without a care in the world, oblivious to the madness, the smog, dust, noise and people rushing to work.

Jesus said, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? "

Amazing what a chance and brief glimpse could so loudly declare to my heart... "God, my heavenly Father cares for me."