A Companion... a Home...

I've been feeling very happy these days. I found a friend I can click with - we have long good byes when we chat :-) We stop our conversations only because we have to and not because we want to.

It's nice to have a friend of kindred spirit, passion and heart.

The thought too of mum's plans to provide for me when she is gone has done wonders for my heart. Sometimes I feel distant from her. I know she loves me - I know that in my mind, I don't always FEEL that in my heart. It is sinking in... her love for me. I am feeling it. It makes me want to get closer to her.

God is bringing healing to our relationship.

What Jesus said in John 14 has taken on new meaning...

1"Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in Me.
2There are many rooms in my Father's home,
and I am going to prepare a place for you.
If this were not so, I would tell you plainly.
3When everything is ready, I will come and get you,
so that you will always be with Me where I am.

He also said...

6"I am the way, the truth, and the life."

Ah! A companion... a home... I have them both... in this life and in the life to come. Can it get any better?

No beer and no cold water

Just got back from the xinsei. My ankle is still hurting - my trip is only a week away. Boy it was painful when the chinese physician massaged it! I'm supposed to lay off walking and standing.

It's just as well I got rest imposed on me by both eye specialist and xinsei. Father certainly knows how and when to put a stop for me :-)

My red eye subsided by the evening of Saturday - wow, the same day I saw her! Amazing. It's been red since January - nothing helped. Just one visit to the eye specialist - I had only used the drops she gave me twice and by evening I could see a marked improvement! I'll still need to keep applying the drops.

The xinsei wants to see me again in two days time. The nurse gave me some pills to take - wooo... six black pills three times a day. She said, "don't drink cold water and don't drink beer!"

Hahaha... no beer :-P (I'm glad she didn't say "no computer.")

God's created time for me to finish my two remaining chapters of aunty's book. I can take my time to do it this week in between rest - now that I shall cancel some appointments this week.

A touch of nostalgia... a touch of patriotism...

I managed to watch the live telecast of the state funeral of Former Deputy Prime Minister S. Rajaratnam, one of Singapore's founding fathers. A journalist turned politician, it was inspiring to watch old video clippings of him and to listen to the eulogies given by his family, leaders of our country and others who worked side-by-side with him.

I now have a better perspective of our history and what inspired him to pen the Singapore Pledge...

We, the citizens of Singapore
Pledge ourselves as one united people
Regardless of race, language or religion
To build a democratic society
Based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity
and progress for our nation

Most of us know Jeremiah 29:11 when God promised His people,

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.

That promise was given in the context of their exile... The people were living in a country not their own. Verse 7 says...

"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which
I have carried you into exile.
Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers,
you too will prosper."

While I am a citizen of the Kingdom, it is no accident that my Father chose for me to be a citizen of Singapore. May I be a blessing to my country that my Father has planted me in.

Video arcade of a different kind

There's so much to give thanks for today.

Went to see the eye specialist, HLS, this morning. The doctor put me through all kinds of tests... I had to look through this computer screen and then press a button everytime I see a flashing light... haha... it was like going to a (very expensive) video arcade :-)

There's no glaucoma. The visual field is perfect. The insides of the eye (whatever you call them) are all fine :-) The specialist said it's only a surface infection. She gave me some eye drops and asked me to see her again next week.

Last Saturday (18 March), my doctor friend, JW, who checked me was very concerned about the redness that has been there for almost a month and half. She was the one that suggested I see a specialist because she didn't have the equipment to look inside the eyes or check the pressure (whatever) etc. JW said to be prepared that the cost of the check up could be as much as S$500 depending on what tests are done. She said HLS is very good, but she's also very expensive.

I was rather anxious about my eyes and the costs. I had already decided that I would only go to her once for opinion and then perhaps follow through with some government clinic if I needed treatment. My Father told me on Tuesday March 20th, "If you have good eyesight and good hearing, thank God who gave them to you." (Proverbs 20:12, Living Bible)

HLS only charged me for the eye drops -- no charge for consultation. God bless her!

A new home
Mum is in the process of closing the deal on her new place. She kept saying when she was looking for a new place that I should like it too because when she is no longer around, that that place would be mine. I guess it's her way of showing her affections and care for me. I feel very thankful. I really like that apartment. I had often wondered who would take care of me in my old age, as a single. It's Father's way of saying He is looking out for me.

An apology (again)
My neighbour's 13-year-old sent me an sms this evening...

"Auntie! How are u? Your newspaper I really... Sorry my father forget n throw your newspaper... I hope u reply back coz I can't go your house coz I have high fever..."

I replied...

"Thank you for your note n sms. Don't worry about the papers. I've forgiven already. I hope your fever will be better. Take care and regards to your parents. See you."

Five minutes after I sent the message, the door bell rang. It was the naughty 10-year-old. He was the one I gave a good scolding to. He was all smiles and asked, "Auntie, you forgive ah?" I said, "Yes." His next question was, "Auntie can I play in your house?"

A few minutes later, the 13-year-old came. Somehow her "high fever" disappeared. I guess she was too embarrassed to come and see me after what they did to my papers. We talked for a while. She went home all smiles.

Maybe one day, they will know my Father too. Certainly He has a personal interest and stake in them.

I had a good three hour afternoon nap. I certainly feel better. Several people, the doctors included have told me to rest. I'll try to do that the next few days. My sprained ankle still hurts -- I have been running too many errands.

First Community Service meeting

Had our first meeting today. What started out as a dream is on the way to becoming a reality. The seed thought was planted in my heart when I surrendered my dreams of marriage to the Lord last year. I wanted to do something for other singles like me, I needed to do something for myself...

• To help us take our eyes of ourselves
• To look to the needs of others
• To look to the Lord

I felt alone for a while, emailing here and there, making enquiries. When I attempted to arrange the first meeting, I started getting messages to say, "Sorry I can't come. Can you just let me know what happened..."

I wondered if it would at all be possible to band a busy bunch of people who hardly knew each other. And I wasn't sure if I could get C-O-M-M-I-T-M-E-N-T from them.

Well, six turned up. My proposal was met with much enthusiasm... God willing, we will see between 10-20 singles going in July 2006...

I can just see the headlines... Bunch of mid-lifers (mostly women) build house for tsunami-hit Sea Gypsies in Thailand...

May the Lord bless the work of our hands.

An anthropologist for a niece?

Amazing! I just chatted with my Thai cousin's 21-year-old daughter. She's got a two-year full scholarship to do a masters degree in anthropology in the US!

It's been a long time since we last met online. We do exchange our thoughts about life and God. I got her interested in the book I'm writing about Aunty who's also an anthropologist / linguist. I hope we can talk again soon :-)

Little Niagara... Wind Beneath My Wings

Had a nice chat with ALC this morning... I ended up reminising about my late sister... here is the extract of our chat

princess: i got myself a new hp :-c and new pair of glasses (progressives) :-B
alc: :-)
princess: finally - hp with BIG numbers and letters
princess: :D
alc: hahaha

alc: btw, my sister came the other day... it was fun spending time with her after work
princess: i'm a young person trapped in a middle aged body
alc: yes, you are!
princess: but i am sure i can have more mileage from this body yet
alc: perhaps that is why i refuse to call you Ate (older sister in Filipino) :-)
princess: hahhaa... you ain't seen the Ate side yet! :-O
alc: what's your Ate side?
princess: i dun know. i'll discover when you get here
princess: hahahahha
alc: now you're making me grin ear to ear :-)
alc: :D

alc: what were you like to your younger sister?
princess: she saw all sides of me
princess: from :x to :o) to [-( to #-o to >:)
princess: there were some years we were estranged from each other
alc: hahaha! i'm wondering if i would have the privilege of seeing all of you :-)
princess: there was the time i wud say, "you can't divorce your sister" and wished i cud
princess: but she was in many ways the wind beneath my wings too. always there and supportive… hmm... i'm starting to tear
alc: hhmmm..that's good
alc: you must miss her
alc: i love my sisters too

princess: sisters are different. i dun think you cud ever get as close to brothers - tho i'd say i'm close to mine. and very thankful for my sis-in-law who's great
princess: i was always the public figure, my sister was the quiet behind-the-scenes one
princess: but she wud go for many of my speaking engagements - she never got tired of my teaching / preaching. she said she learned a lot from me. amazing - she cud bear to listen and not get bored. and she wud recruit her friends to come and listen!
princess: i never realised how much that meant to me
alc: haha. she must be your big fan :-)
princess: yes she was
alc: that's good

princess: she was really a "miss-tag-along" - sometimes i'd get so irritated
alc: hahaha don't worry i won't tag along with you all the time when i'm there :-)
princess: well, i kind of miss her that way too!
princess: :D
alc: :-)

princess: she was so makulit (stubborn, persistent)… long winded, detailed, meticulous - i always attributed it to the fact that she had too much time on her hands. ironical isn't it - it was because she didn't have time on her hands!
princess: she was too sick to work

princess : i guess there were years i din want to be close to her becos it was too hard to think about losing her
alc: yeah... if that happened to me, i probably would have thought the same way too
alc: but it really takes courage, love and commitment to reach to someone and invest your heart even if you know you'll lose her one day

princess: looks like i opened little niagara this morning :P
alc: :-) it's worth it
alc: oopps, sori
princess : its ok
princess: like i said, we had good closure and it's all good memories. i can talk about every side of her / us - it isn't tagged with guilt, regret etc
princess: only thankfulness - it was a rich relationship

princess: i realise how little time people have for me... she always did - like i said, because she had no time - in every sense of the word
princess: she had no time because she wasn't with us for long. but she had no time too because she took things at her own pace. not determined by time. me... i'm stuck with appointments, schedules, timetables, clocks!

alc: it was quite refreshing to hear the tender Ate side of you
princess: she complained that i had no time for her
alc: i see...
alc: i need to go...
princess: ok you have no time! haha
princess: joke lang (only)
alc: :-)
princess: i was going to say now she has no time for me... she has eternity
princess: :)
princess : have a blessed day.
alc: i wish i could chat longer… i really enjoyed listening to your heart

You've got mail...

Ok it's me writing again... I just wrote 10 minutes ago...

Yes, mail just arrived...

Junk mail... 8-0

Good night.

Confessions

Don't know what's got to me... can't sleep... don't want to sleep... though I know I'm tired and need to sleep...

Checked my email...

Surfed around the blogs of my friends...

Turned on my MSN and YM hoping to find someone to talk to...

Check my mail again (I last checked less than 5 minutes ago...). Hoping to find a "You got mail" sign in my in box...

Tempted to send myself an email, just so I'll have mail...

Turned on blogger to journal...

Ok, happy now. I'll shut down and go zzzzZZZzzZZzz

Miss Happy

Hey! The missing MRT card popped up this evening. It was among my mountain of unwashed laundry.

Now I have to called Transitlink to tell them it's been found. Hopefully they can cancel my cancellation of the card!

My friend said she'd come this week to help me clear my mountain of ironing this week. Praise God. I am so grateful.

Miss Hap...

Ok let me tell you about another "mishap"

I lost my MRT card. I made a report to transitlink.

What can I say?

Blame it on my carelessness or whatever :-(

Flowers for a crown

I gave the neighbour's children a good scolding a few days ago. It was the first time I lost my cool with them. They have been asking for it for a long time. They mess up my home, borrow my games and return them damaged, and the last straw was borrowing my newspaper clipping of the article I wrote and throwing it away!

They lied to me that they were not done with it. When I pressed them, they admitted that it was lost. And then finally, they confessed that it was thrown away!

I kicked myself for being so kind to them and for lending my precious newspaper clipping. I asked the Lord what I should do with these kids (and mostly their illusive folks - who seem to care less who their children hang out with).

Today, I found a note from the 13-year-old slipped under my door:


To: Aunty Angel,

I ___... Sorry that I throw the newspaper cos my father throw it. I hope you give my brother and sister play at your house. I hope you will make the cookies with me. I really... really sorry.

Truly your neighbour and my father signature...

I hope for sorry :-(

I was reminded of a poem that has meant a lot to me all these years...

I said: "Let me walk in the field";
God said: 'Nay, walk in the town";
I said: "There are no flowers there";
He said: "No flowers, but a crown."

I said: "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back,"There is more,"
He said, "there is sin

I said: "But the air is thick,
And fogs are veiling the sun";
He answered: "Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone."

I said: "I shall miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me, "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."

I pleaded for time to be given;
He said: "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have, followed the steps of your Guide."

I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town;
He said: "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"

Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.

--George MacDonald

A quiet evening

Miss Cannot-Stop-Talking decided that it would be a good idea for her to keep quiet this evening and not meet anyone. The past week has been filled with running errands, helping Mum to look for a new apartment, completing church newsletter, meeting people, getting my visa for my coming trip done, seeing the xinseh etc.

I went to see a doctor friend this morning about my eye. She doesn't like the idea that the redness hasn't gone away after more than a month. Given my family history she feels better that I see a specialist to get it thoroughly checked. She's helping me connect with the eye doctor.
One item of thanksgiving... been looking at apartments for Mum. It's been a stretch going with Mum but I know it means a lot to her that we are with her in the search. Our agent has really gone out of her way to serve us. We really like the one we saw last night. It seems to be ideal. She's going to help us negotiate a good deal.

More updates next time. Thanks for checking in :-)

Newly weds

Something else very interesting happened at the distant relative's wedding that I forgot to write about...

I finally met another distant relative -- the wife is my mum's age (76) and the hubby is in his 80's. They were married about a year or so ago!

She was a widow and he was a widower. They met at the old age home :-) Do they look so happy and sweet. My mum had shown me the newspapers some year or so ago when their wedding was featured -- now I finally got to meet THE couple.

Promotion

I accompanied Mum to a distant relative's wedding last evening. After the dinner, Mum and I took the bus home. About six or more of my "relatives" got on the same bus too. Many of them were my Mum's age (in their seventies, eighties).

Several young people got out of their seats to make way for the old folk-gies to sit down. I was standing when a young lady tapped me on the back to give me her seat!!!

Oh my goodness.

Once I had a hard time coming to terms that the young people I am involved with can be my children.

Last night, I moved a rank higher. Some one thought I was a grandma.

Oh dear.

Open doors

When I asked God to open the doors to connect with the world outside the church, I didn't know just how He would do it or how quickly.

LL called to say that GLT was trying to reconnect with me -- she's now working with a well-known worldwide bank and wants me to do some illustrations for the bank. It was good to meet up with GLT. I haven't seen her since she was a student. Now she has 3 children.

I felt so valued and affirmed as a writer, designer. She also affirmed the things I've been learning.

That same evening, I got a call from another friend inviting me to teach a group of Bible college students how to put together a newsletter.

God is really answering my prayers.

The past few days have been really amazing. God answered my prayers for someone to help me with my work. I'm elated beyond words.

Hahaha... a writer lost for words!
A speechless Miss Cannot-Stop-Talking.
Miss Cannot-Stop-Talking cannot talk :-P

But more than God answering my prayers is the amazing conversations that has been going on between my Father and I.

Ok, so I'm supposed to be in the priestly profession... I'm supposed to be able to stand between the gap of God and man... and here I am -- when He speaks and answers, He still awes, surprises and thrills me no end. I am still dazed at how good His answers are in every sense of the word.

I had been growing increasingly tired of my work. It has been seven years since I have been fulfilling my current function -- for a creative person to be doing the same thing for this long is quite something. (Wow! Only by God's grace!)

I was growing increasing discouraged and hopeless over the state of things I was observing.

And most of all, I saw no way I could get help, much less a suitable one, to bear the burden of the load. There was one who not only did not help, but also made the load heavier by opposing my requests for help. Besides this, the main decision maker and I were not making any headway in our negotiations.

I had wanted to talk to my "ally" prior to the meeting where I was to make my appeal, but God did not permit me to brief him or rally his support so that he could speak up when I made my appeal.

Instead, my Father Himself encouraged me with Psalm 71:14-21 (Living Bible)...

"I will keep on expecting You to help me." (verse 14) The rest of the verses go on to talk about how God rescued, showed His constant care, gave the writer strength, helped him right from his childhood... how powerful God is to do wonderful things

“Where is there another God like You?” (verse 19)
“You have let me sink down deep in desperate problems. But You will bring me back to life again, up from the depths of the earth. You will give me greater honour than before…” (verse 20-21)

On Monday, 6th, the day before the meeting, He made me bump into another leader -- I had the opportunity to talk to him. I learned to appeal to him and speak in a gentle manner. He was sympathetic and gave me some good advise on how to talk to all my leaders who are men.

God also made me bump into the main decision maker at the common area. We were discussing about the new staff but not getting anywhere in our negotiations, then God brought yet another staff who happened to be walking pass us. He stepped in to help us see each other's concerns.

Yesterday, the impossible happened! God moved the unmovable... He moved the main decision maker and He moved me. (Yes, I’m guilty). The main decision maker was TOTALLY with me when I went to speak to the leadership.

Then in evening, after my meeting with the leaders, I had dinner with my "ally". He broke the wonderful news that my request had been granted. I was over the moon that there was going to be some relief over my work.

Then (sigh) he asked if I would be willing to train the next person when my new approved staff leaves us in two years because we would then be back to square one. My heart sank. I am already so tired and there he was bursting my bubbles that the load was STILL on me.

I could give him no answer.

I woke up at 3.30 am this morning. Half elated and half heavy-hearted that the burden (in two years time!) is still on me.

My Streams in the Desert reading, "Hope vs Fear," today says...

"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days" (Matt. 28:20, Variorum Version).

Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hitherto; do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms.

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. --Frances do Sales

My heart is at peace.

Timely encouragement

I am feeling anxious about my meeting with the leaders tomorrow. My readings from Streams in the Desert have been so timely these past days. My Father reminded me...

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul" (Ps. 43:5).

Is there ever any ground to be cast down? There are two reasons, but only two. If we are as yet unconverted, we have ground to be cast down; or if we have been converted and live in sin, then we are rightly cast down.

But except for these two things there is no ground to be cast down, for all else may be brought before God in prayer with supplication and thanksgiving. And regarding all our necessities, all our difficulties, all our trials, we may exercise faith in the power of God, and in the love of God.

"Hope thou in God." Oh, remember this: There is never a time when we may not hope in God. Whatever our necessities, however great our difficulties, and though to all appearance help is impossible, yet our business is to hope in God, and it will be found that it is not in vain. In the Lord's own time help will come...

When it seemed impossible that help could come, help did come; for God has His own resources. He is not confined. In ten thousand different ways, and at ten thousand different times God may help us.

Our business is to spread our cases before the Lord, in childlike simplicity to pour out all our heart before God... -- George Mueller

Low Batt

Got up at about 5 am to take Aurelia to the airport. I was so tired I had half a mind to jump back to bed. I'm glad I went.

I took the train back thinking I'd walk from the station to the office, but I slipped as I was walking down the long flight of stairs and spained my ankle... my third accident in five weeks. I guess I was very tired. I slept only 3 hours. I took a taxi to the office instead.

MM gave my ankle a massage. Boy did it hurt! But it's better now. He said he'd massage it again tomorrow.

Sit Still

Streams in the Desert - Sit Still

"Ye shall not go out with haste" (Isa. 52:12).

I do not believe that we have begun to understand the marvelous power there is in stillness. We are in such a hurry--we must be doing--so that we are in danger of not giving God a chance to work. You may depend upon it, God never says to us, "Stand still," or "Sit still," or "Be still," unless He is going to do something...

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

God's Wind

Streams in the Desert - God's Wind

"I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth" (Isa. 58:14).

Suffering are God's wind... Obstacles ought to set us singing...

Quota for talking

I've really been enjoying Aurelia's visit and stay here. We talked alot... or rather I talked alot. It's been fun. My primary one school teacher wrote in my report book, "Can do better if she talks less." I am very thankful for someone to talk with. I've my daily talking quota met these days.

I hope the Lord will make it possible for her to come.

Are there any safe place?

I was reflecting on the two recent incidences... my being locked up in my own house, and how I injured my nose in my own kitchen.

I've been anxious about going to visit aunty because I am going to an unfamiliar country. But if you think about it, if one needs rescuing in one's own home - not just once but twice within a span of two week, then is there really any place that is safe?

God wants me to put my trust in Him. He alone is my safe Refuge, my Help in times of trouble. I cannot be any safer than if I am where He wants me to be... in my kitchen and in Aunty's country.