Love to a thousand generations

I couldn't let myself go to sleep till I got this down on record.

My mind was blown away when my mum told me that my brother Brian had taken my second nephew, Brenan, to KL as a surprise birthday gift. Yep, father and son, just the two of them.

You can imagine the excitement in the ten year old when he told me all about his adventures with papa. I asked him what was the best part of the trip and he said, "being with papa all the time." No doubt the 3-days, 2-nights trip made a deep impression on the boy.

Boaz, the oldest boy, and Bethelyn, their youngest girl know their place in the family. Brenan, the second son, was born at a time when my father was critically ill. So much of the welcome he deserved as a new arrival to the family was diverted instead to taking care of the old man. He always feels a step behind his big brother. And of course, no one can usurp the place of the little princess, especially when she is so adorable (and knows how to use her cuteness to get her way with you.)

I asked my sis-in-law why they decided to do it, and she said it was because they wanted to do something significant enough in Brenan's life that he could always look back at - a kind of rite into a new phase in his life- to break away this "second child syndrome."

My parents are good parents. But they are not perfect (who is?) parents. When I think about the many sad consequences of my parents' (and their parents') poor (and sometimes ungodly) choices in life, and then when a significant event like this happens, I am reminded of the glorious promises of God...

...punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:5-6)

June 21 is edged not only in young Brenan's heart, but in mine as well. My heart is comforted and celebrates HOPE. My brother, the son, and heir of my father, is doing something right. I am so proud of my brother and look forward to what other good things will come about in my family.

The dwarves are for the dwarves

Got up at 6 am this morning. It's quiet here in my home (as it always is). No sound but the sound of the soft breeze blowing from my fan and the crisp pages of my Bible flipping as the wind blows over it. My heart beckons me to respond to the quiet call of my Lord.

Been led the past two days to read the book of Deuteronomy for whatever reason. Was struck by Deut 1:6 when the Lord told the Israelites that "you have stayed long enough on this moutain, turn and set your journey and go..."

The Lord seems to be saying to stop waiting around and enter the Promised Land.

I had always thought that marriage was for me that Promised Land. And it hasn't happened. Will it? I see no signs ahead. Only that I may have to be willing to accept the idea that the Promised Land may be different from what I think it is. I trust that it is better.

It's been good that I had been sick, the worst I've been in a long time, for the past two weeks after all that hectic travelling. Even if I willed it, it's hard to find the energy to do what I want to do. I'm "forced" to be quiet, to reflect.

God has been good to me - I've seen His blessings...

• redirecting me from my fishing trip to KL instead
• meeting my new KL friend CL and her buddies, PYT and JL - I feel so alive when I'm with these seekers - and what a ministry they have been to me!
• to the Philippines - finding myself, and affirming my contribution to His Kingdom
  to Gentings - bonding with NTJ, a staff from another missions organisation (how wrong my early impressions of her have been - found her to be a real listener, a caring friend, an older and wiser sister I can talk to)
• She sits in the board (that faceless committee that I found hard to approach) and followed through regarding the matters that I had shared with her. So now I find myself championed for the faceless board had given me warning in February that they would be cutting off my support (amounting to 1/3 of my monthly support) over a technical policy that had been set in place. I hadn't had time to do anything about it - and of next month, the giving will stop (unless my "Champion" intervenes). The Lord moved LCD and his wife to send (without prompting or hints) a one time gift that amounts to 2 1/2 times my monthly support!

Deut 1:27 warns not to "grumble in your tents" and say, "Because the Lord hates us..." for indeed the Lord loves me.

I picked up C.S. Lewis' "The Last Battle" of the Narnian Chronicles to read... from how I got my name "Narnian Princess" btw. The series never fails to stir my imagination and heart to faith and hope.

The dwarves who had been taken in by a pack of lies chose to protect themselves again further deception by refusing to believe, even when truth and goodness was now repeatedly dangling before them.

Deut 2 says, "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north..." There comes a point where I must press on.

Three times the Lord told the Israelites as they passed through the land of their brothers (Esau, Moab, and Ammon) to the Promised Land, "I will not give you their land..." But He exclaimed to them, "Arise, set out, and pass through the valley or Arnon. Look! I have given you... See, I have begun to deliver Sihon and his land over to you. Begin to occupy, that you may possess the land..."

So my heart is encouraged to look beyond. And to occupy and to see what blessings He will do for me - a challenge when your heart has been disillusioned and broken more times than one cares to remember.

Deut 2:31 says, "And the Lord said to me..."

So what is He saying to my heart? Will I chose to be as the dwarves? Lord, brace my heart to trust You despite all that my personal history tells me.

No time to get sick!

Aiyoh, this is absolutely not good! Stressed out by the fact that I need to get things prepared for the coming conference in three days. Despite coming down with a bad sore throat, backache and headache, I decided to work.

The computers I'm using are inadequate for the work that I am doing (not enough RAM and wrong settings). So I'm taking forever to do a fairly straight forward piece of work.

My staff just called to ask for a document that we need for the conference which he misplaced. I had my computer guy reformat my office computer last week while I was away. It looks like I may have lost some of my data, including the missing document. Sigh... I might have to do it all over again.

Was discouraged when I got an email from someone to ask why my department is producing shoddy work.

Hmm... I have this feeling that God is trying to say something to me, but I'm not yet getting the message.

Better than expected :-)

Back from our church camp in Awana. I was dragging my feet to go after all the travelling I had been doing the past two months. But the trip turned out better than I expected despite the fact that I was having a bad neck and backache.

My roommate was a staff from another organisation. She's a little older than I am. I was a little apprehensive about rooming with her (she looks like the no nonsense kind of person). But as it turns out, I was very blessed by her friendship and down-to-earth counsel.

It turns out that she also sits in the missions board - the board that's about to cut off my support. It was good to be able to share with her all that I've been going through and to find an ally, someone who understands. She gave some suggestions about what I could do about the situation.

My KL friends drove 45 minutes from KL to see me. I dragged another friend along to join us. We rode the cable car up to the highlands where the three played the jackpot machine for two hours. It was so fun to sit with them and join in the commotion. In the end, one lost RM$10 while the other two broke even. Not too bad considering all the fun we had. We had dinner, ate durians, and laughed a whole lot. They were so thoughtful.

I also had time a friend whom I hadn't talked to for ages. I found out that she had also gone through a breakup last November (a month after mine). So there, I found solace in our common misery. Well, anyway I have come along way since October by God's grace.

Well, anyway, God spoke to me about two areas...

I was reminded about working on my prayer life, esp for some difficults situations I see myself and others I am involved with in.

I had to lie in bed for two days... like what my roommate said, "at our age, our bodies are like using a credit cards. Use now, pay later." Wow, was my body asking for payback. I decided I need to get back to my exercise and sleep regime again. She said that it's important to sleep well as that's when the replenishment and repair work is being done to our bodies.

Sigh. It's now 2.50 am... and I am still awake. Do I need help!