Still mulling

Hey, I'm still mulling over what my name means. It's wonderful to find my Chinese roots! I suddenly feel connected. What a nice meaning. It's given me something to hold on to.

I can hear the old cynical and skeptical voices of disbelief and unbelief at the back of my head -- I have been disappointed one too many times right?

Got to start somewhere to believe. I don't want to end my life a bitter, disillusioned, grumpy old woman! I met a complaining man (my age) last week. The thought of becoming like that scares me.

Wednesday's KTV with the gang was fun.

RC popped in the office two days ago. He complimented me on my photo shoot of the Clulee wedding and the Yunnan ones. Said I have an eye... he asked if I should be doing some other work then what I'm doing now!

The last few days, I got quite a bit of work done. It feels good.

Just chatted a bit with PYL, my new KL friend. She's going in for another round of chemo on Monday. Told her I'd pray for her. She asked me when I'll be going there again for crab :-)

Ok, better be getting to work now.... probably no blogging for a while... keep me in prayers.

Many promises

I'm back!

After the go-don't go-go episode, I'm SOOOOO glad I went. I had asked prayer for God's blessings and special "surprises".

Surprises I got indeed :-)
I became buddies with CL, the lady who was seated beside me on the coach. She was very open to share her life with me. When we arrived in KL, she invited me to have lunch with her three buddies. We had fun!

So much fun in fact that they organised for us to meet again for seafood dinner. This time, it was five of them and three of us (I got two of my staff to join us).

My new friend CL and I plan to meet again.

Finding my niche
I enjoyed the interactions with staff from all over the the world who work in Asia. It was refreshing to hear first hand news.

I was able to show what my department is doing. I offered to do a quick session on how to write and put together a newsletter. Four people - a Japanese, Taiwanese, Indonesian and Malaysian sat in for that. Now I have an open invitation to visit and to help them with their department.

Working behind-the-scenes, I often wonder about my usefulness and contributions to the work. It's nice to be affirmed and appreciated.

Many promises
A special blessing was discovering a new meaning to my family name. I always thought it meant "many." But the Taiwanese told me that it also means "promise."

So wow, "many promises."

Someone transcribed the sound of my given name as "peace." Hahaha... not exactly me -- but I like it... a gentle and quiet spirit... something I pray I will be transformed into.

Thanks for praying!

Lots to do in the next 10 days before I make my trip to the Philippines...

Going, NOT going... Going, NOT going... GOING

I've come a full circle -- from going to not going... to going, to not going... to GOING.

So for some reason yet known to me, I am going to KL. I think God must want me there. I go for a week.

Then the transport arrangements... Hmmm... I ask around, and I go search the Net... so many choices but no one is telling me what to do...

• Should I go on NICE? Or Grassland, Sri Maju, Transnasional, SuperNICE, First Bus, take the train?
• Hiyah, then should I splurge on the S$48 or the $27 or the $37 one?
• Is the pick up point at Lavendar station better (nearer, cheaper) or Golden Mile or Asia or...
• How will I get to my pick up point?
• How will I get to the hotel in KL?
• Which bag will I use? My back pack or my carrier bag with wheels?
• Wah, there's still loads to do with the coming Rally on the 24th.
• Plus settling the website with the webmaster.
• And, then there's the workshop that I will be conducting in the Philippines...

STRESS ah!

I woke up yesterday morning with a heavy head.

Then the thought came to mind, Angel, love yourself.

Huh? What was that?

I said, "Love yourself."

Err... explain please.

Why are you worrying and stressing yourself? It's going to be a five-hour long ride to KL. It's ok, treat yourself to the luxurious $48 bus.

Yah, but the $48 one's pick point is further than the $27 or $37 buses. That means my taxi fare will be more expensive, on top of paying a higher bus fare.

So what's the problem with taking the nice comfortable bus, and spending that extra few dollars?

Oh.

Angel, love yourself.

So anyway, I'm going on the luxurious looking $48 one :-)

Forever young?

She squealed when I started singing a song, "Hey I love this song! I remember it when my mother used to listen to it when I was a little girl!"

And the 20-year-old went on excitedly exclaiming the same remark at each song I selected.

Went with some of the Yunnan team people to the KTV yesterday afternoon. It was fun... but hahahaha... I was reminded again of my age! Amazing, you never realise that you have grown old (err... matured?) until someone makes a remark like that.

I think she was embarrassed when I said, "Oh my goodness, LITTLE GIRL? Wah." So she tried to make it better by correcting... "err... maybe not so long ago lah... maybe when I was in secondary school..."

Hahaha... I just laughed as she dug the pit even deeper :-P

It was a fun afternoon. Some of the others joined us for dinner later. I was happy to see the gang again.

WYSIWYG

You know, I started this blog because I wanted to use it to help me find positive things to write about, things that would edify and encourage. I seem to have depressive overtone in my life for years that I can't seem to shake off. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite encouraging the gals when I am barely crawling out of my hole.

So anyway... What You See Is What You Get -- my ups and downs. Mostly I feel down.

I really need a break through.

You might just pick up treasure

Spent last Sunday afternoon cleaning up the old house -- about 30 years of accumulation of stuff -- things that Dad thought valuable. Today, all they are are mostly junk, and a whole lot of work for me. I spent over an hour out in the scorching sun burning some of his "documents". On top of throwing away bags and bags of stuff.

Dad's a junk collector -- a legacy he picked up from his mother -- and I'm afraid, I seem to be picking up as well. Scary.

And to think this is only my Dad's things... there's still my sister's stuff to clean up. My brother and I joked about taking a whole month off just to clean up the old house.

Gosh I hope I don't leave a whole lot of work for someone else to clean up when I am gone!

This afternoon was also spent cleaning up the old place. I've barely scratched the surface of the stuff that needs to be cleared. Not getting too much help from anyone else.

Anyway, the "house for sale" sign was prominently displayed on the fence when I got to the old house this afternoon. Wow - we've been talking about selling the old place for ages. But seeing the sign there made it all so final. Though I've moved on, it's hard to accept that a big chunk of my history is going to be completely obliterated from my life.

Maybe with the way I've been feeling about my future, it makes it hard to let go of the past. I let it go with a great measure of reluctance. Not that everything was always wonderful.

This morning, I found my bathroom sink clogged. I used a pump to suck out the whatever was in there, but still it didn't make much of a difference. I used a tooth pick to poke at it. When that didn't work, I took out my screwdriver and unscrewed the pipe.

Wow, unbelievable! So much debris. How did it get there? I'm the only one who uses the sink. I don't remember throwing anything in there. Hmm... seven years of dirt! Yukk!!

I got all grubby cleaning it up, but wow, after that it was CLEAN! So clean I could even hear the water running through the pipes! Haha... I let the water run just so I could enjoy hearing the water gush down.

Made me think about my life now -- so clogged up. I shot a prayer to God asking for a break through, so that His Spirit would flow through me again. It's been a slow erosion, a slow accumulation of one disappointments after another, that led up to this state I am in. I'm at my wits end as to how to get the same passion for life I once had not so long ago.

Barely had I finished praying (or I should say, wishing) for a break through when my eyes fell on Psalm 20:6

Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
He answers him from His holy heaven
with the saving power of His right hand.

Did He really hear me?

Well, anyway, back to my afternoon of cleaning up the old house. Today, I found a stack of Dad's ang pows... hahaha... more than $400 worth of it! I showed it to Mum and pocketed the lot (except for one she asked for -- it was an ang pow my sister had given to Dad).

You never know, amidst junk, that you might just pick up treasure.

It didn't whistle

I put some water on the stove to boil.

Then I turned on the computer to check for mail while the kettle was on the stove.

Someone initiated a chat -- asking for some work-related help. I encountered problems with my internet connections so it took me longer than expected to help her. I was really engrossed trying to help.

Then suddenly, I started smelling something... wah, like the smell when you are ironing your clothes. Strange, I didn't have the iron on.

Suddenly, I remembered my kettle!! I checked. I had forgotten to put the lid on - you know the cover that makes the kettle whistle when the water is boiling. No wonder it didn't whistle.

Wah, the kettle was RED iron hot! There was no more water inside.

Aiyoh, what will I do next?! Heng, I didn't burn the house down.

(Blame it on the depression)