A Gift from Dad

Music has always been a big part of Dad's life. When Dad suffered a stroke in May 2001, I am very thankful that that part of him remains somewhat intact. Although he is physically well, his mind is like a child – you cannot reason or hold a real conversation with him. He needs help with many basic things we take for granted.

But when it comes to music, hum him the first few notes of a melody, and he would he off humming the rest of the song for you. We handed him a harmonica and he instantaneously played all kinds of melodies - no rehearsals and no mistakes! Once, my sister and I were singing a two-part melody. Dad joined in by singing a third part!

God is kind to take away Dad’s unpleasant traits (don’t we all have them) as a result of the stroke, and kept the nicer parts of him intact. I treasure my times with him – we often make music together – he on his harmonica, and I on my recorder. All through my growing up years, home was always filled with music because of Dad. Today, our roles are reversed. Now, I play the music CDs for him.

Music is something Dad gave to me. What a joy it is to be able to give him back a part of what he gave to me.

What will I be like when I grow old?

Even though Dad has lost his reasoning faculties as a result of the stroke, his character traits and personality are still the same. He cannot tell you what he wants, but when given to him, he still enjoys his char kway teow (fried flat rice noodles) and his nasi briyani (Malay/Indian spiced rice). He was never able to resist a sweet desert – he still cannot resist it now. He hasn't lost his "please" and "thank you's" or his gentlemanly ways. (The nursing home staff say he's the most courteous patient in the home.) Dad is still Dad -- the good and the not-so-good.

I wonder what I will be like when I grow old?

Our mind, common sense and social do-the-right-thing consciousness tell us to hide many things from the public eye. While I may keep my words in check when I am angry, I can easily allow bitterness to fester in my heart. Or I may hide my bad habits (or secret sins) to maintain my "godly" posture in public. What will I be like if my reasoning power and social inhibitions are ever removed from me? When my real self takes over?

Characters are developed over a lifetime of habits... I see that in Dad now.

I hope that when it comes to the crunch, what I show myself to be and who I really am, are one and the same -– beautiful on the inside and out.